What The Man Says, Goes

Hmmm. Feeling a little blue lately - probably a little homesick and a little run down. No big deal, because I know just the thing to cheer me up: A visit to my enthusiastic two-dimensional friend Nestle Coffee Poster Guy!




NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Seemingly overnight, almost all outdoor advertising appears to have disappeared from the neighborhood. This office park is ringed by the fence you see in the picture, and every 20 feet or so is a lightbox like this one. I easily walk past 30-40 of these along one block on my way to work, and now they're all empty.

The Makro Supermarket is bare too. Its 3-story exterior used to feature big billboards advertising some of the products they carry - now the building facade is bare concrete and mounting bolts trailing streamers of rust down the front of the building.

Yesterday I was riding back to the office from the recording studio with the client we were recording, and he filled me in: Apparently some official in the Beijing government decided they didn't like the look of all that advertising - not very OLYMPIC, you know - and ordered all businesses to remove their outdoor advertising. (I notice the bus kiosks still have it - maybe it's a city contract.)

So there you have it. Apparently these kinds of decisions can come down with no notice. Not that I'm in tune with the local news, but I never heard anything about it until it was done, and I work in an advertising agency. The client was a little annoyed, but nothing more: "Watch. In two weeks it'll all be back."

The funny thing is, I think this decision has made the area look WORSE. The Makro certainly looks worse for the wear, and all these empty advertising spots make it look more like a boarded-up ghost town than an ad-free paradise.

IN OTHER NEWS:

PURE WHITE:
I was about to leave the office tonight when I was literally blocked by a coworker - the same one I lied to about my birthday - and apparently he was in the mood to talk. His English is fair - certainly light years beyond my Chinese - but not always clear, and he has a habit of inserting the word 'maybe' at the beginning and end of sentences, and maybe a few places in between for good measure, so I always feel like he's asking me a question.

Anyway, we had a nice long conversation about (I think) my beard, the nature of art vs. advertising, the price of drinks in Hawaii, the difficulty of the work I'm doing right now, the World Beard Championships, things I should import from China, an idea that I should give away my beard as a gift to coworkers, and assorted other topics, some related to my beard.

Then he mentioned that he had seen me talking with the other American in the office yesterday. This other American (who also has a beard) is roughly my same height and has the same hair color (although I think I have about 20-30 pounds on him. BOO-yah!) So my coworker tells me "I see you over the cube wall, maybe, and I see two heads with yellow hair, and I think maybe this means you are pure white."

I'm not sure if this was a question, but I was sorely tempted to tell him, "Yes, we are. You should see us dance." But then I decided that would probably require far more explanation than the joke was worth.

Riceometer Check & Tiny Beijing

OK, lots to cover today.

FIRST UP: THE RICEOMETER

That's right, folks! 75 percent... although optimists would say I have 25 percent remaining.

NEXT UP: THE URBAN PLANNING MUSEUM
Sometimes I wonder what you all think of me. I mean, sure, I've worked with many of you for years, and known others of you for decades. But do you really understand, deep down in my soul, what a complete and utter nerd I am?

Well, if not, I think I've got just the thing. On Sunday, I went to the Beijing Urban Planning Exhibition.

Now, before you picture some boring, empty place with exhibits on sewer infrastructure and insulating methods of the modern home... well, you're right about that part. But the place does have a redeeming factor in the form of its centerpiece exhibit: a massive scale-model reproduction of much of the city.



Where there aren't models, it's a giant aerial photograph. It's sort of a glimpse into the near future, with completed versions of the Olympic Village and their newest skyscrapers in addition to carefully arranged and minutely detailed versions of ancient landmarks.

Here's a view of the business district where many of the most recognizable towers are going:


And a look down the main east-west street. The funny thing is, I think this gets across the scale of the city almost better than any of the real pictures I've taken.


The dark rectangular building in the exact center of this photo is the Urban Planning museum itself. To the left and up is Tiananmen Square, and above that is the Forbidden City. To give you a sense of their attention to detail, inside the museum model is an even teenier, tinier city!


The Hou Hai neighborhood, northwest of the Forbidden City:


A detail of the new National Stadium, the showpiece of the Olympic Village, affectionately known as the 'Bird's Nest':


So how do I sum up the Urban Planning Exhibition? Quite simply, it is a fascinating perspective on the city, a humbling reminder of the great works which man can achieve, and a spectacular preview of the architectural marvel Beijing is fast becoming. Oh, and best of all, it lets you pretend to be Godzilla:

("But Godzilla is Japanese, not Chinese," some of you are exclaiming. I know that. So why don't you just lighten up and go back to saving baby seals or writing fan fiction for Ed Begley or whatever it is you do all day.)

IN OTHER NEWS:

A TRIP TO THE STUDIO:
This client farewell video continues to escalate. This morning, I went to a recording studio in the city to get voiceover tracks for the video, read by the client's marketing/communications director. He has an English accent, so of course it sounded good.

Despite never having done this before (I have recorded with my band, but not exactly the same thing) I was able to fake it pretty well, I think. I played the producer - "Let's try another take from paragraph two, OK? And try the emphasis on 'his' instead of 'has,' OK? Who loves ya, baby?" (OK, that's a bit far) - and I think it actually turned out quite well.

Eye of the tiger!

THE MOST AWESOMEST SOUVENIR IN THE WORLD:

This was in the gift shop at the Urban Planning museum. It's a small commemorative Olympic-branded baseball bat, which comes in its own carrying case shaped like a small commemorative Olympic-branded baseball bat.

I may need six of these.

Basketball Diaries

Today I met up with three coworkers (including one new arrival from Singapore - he studied in Boston and is completely fluent in English, so it's nice to be able to chat) for lunch at the dumpling restaurant, then took a cab to a gymnasium in central Beijing to see our office team play a basketball game against a team from a competing agency.

The managing director had been subtly and not-so-subtly encouraging everyone in the office to show up and cheer. Even the leader of the Greater China region was going to be in town from Shanghai and attending the game. I wasn't sure I wanted to go, but let's face it, it's not like I have much else to do!

I could tell I might have made a mistake as soon as I got there. When you're tall and American, people assume you can play basketball. Worse, the opposing team had three large Americans on THEIR team, so I think she was having a little laowai envy.

As a result, I had some variation of this same conversation with at least a dozen people, including high-ranking officials:

THEM: You should be out there!
ME: No, I'm big, but I'm slow and uncoordinated. I really don't play very well.
THEM: Doesn't matter! Just go out and stand there!

The managing director even pointed out that there were some spare uniforms in the corner. (I had actually been invited to join the team weeks ago, but had declined, as the team's practices and first game fell during my wife and family's visit.)

In reality, I haven't played a minute of basketball in probably three or four years. These guys are all five to ten years younger than me, and they obviously enjoy playing. They're clearly better off without me.

Well, let's watch the game...


35 seconds into the game, and the other team (in white) has scored first, leading 2-0. Well, someone has to score first. Not a big de--


Huh. OK, 2:46 into the game, the other team leads by a score of 8-2. They're out of the gate fast, but let's just regroup, slow down the game a little, and get back in--


Halftime. 54-8. I'm sensing that our team's strength isn't a 'shut-em down' type of defense. Nor is our strength on offense. Nor passing, ball-handling, blocking - actually, let's just say that the fundamentals appear to be an area of significant growth opportunity.

The other team, meanwhile, runs a solid perimeter game, with sharp no-look passes, pick-and-rolls, steals that turn into court-length breakaways, three-pointers and high speed give-and-gos straight to the basket.


Start of the fourth quarter and the other members of my party need to leave, so I don't know how this game ended. I'll be on pins and needles until Monday morning to find out if we pulled it out, though!

One bright spot, though, was the women's team. Both agencies fielded a women's team that played a 10 minute exhibition during halftime, and I'm proud to say our team won, 10-5.

It was more exciting than the score might suggest, because what the women lacked in basketball skills - they actually seemed to play more as a team and ran some plays, but there was still lots of two-handed dribbling, air balls, balls dribbled off the feet and ill-advised and oft-intercepted passes across the court - they made up for by playing VICIOUS.

You remember the scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where the evil high priest of the bad guys reaches into his prisoner's chest, rips out his heart and shows it to the terrified man, still beating, before lowering him screaming into the lava pit? In this game, that was a basic pick.

Seriously, the whole crowd was into it, because every rebound turned into a mass of thrown elbows, kicking, reaching in and an assortment of hard fouls. Our team gave better than they got, spelling the difference between defeat and a bloody victory.

IN OTHER NEWS:

SMALL WORLD:
One of the Americans on the other team turned out to be one of the guys I climbed to the wild section of the Great Wall with back in June, and his girlfriend, who was also on the trip, was there as a spectator. The women's game was on when we said hello, and she gave me a new stereotype about the Chinese to file away: "Chinese girls LOVE to fight," she said, as we watched a player from my team practically throw her opponent to the floor trying to rip the ball away.

TRICYCLE DUMPTRUCK!

I'm just fascinated by these. Does anyone know why this would be an advantageous design? Seems like a rollover waiting to happen to me.

Number of the Day

Pretty much every day, we get an email with some statistic about China from someone in the company. It comes under the header 'Number of the Day' and is broken down by different categories - social, economy, media etc. It's a fabulous idea - it gets everyone's mind pondering some aspect of China, however briefly, at the same time every day. I'd like to see something like it in the U.S.

Anyway, today I'm feeling lazy, so I'm going to share a random selection of Numbers of the Day from the past few weeks. Enjoy:

Gender Imbalance
18 million more males than female amongst those aged 0 to 15 according to a poll by the China Youth Daily and QTick.com across 2,603 respondents from 29 provinces and municipalities.

Source : China Daily , 18th July 2007

Over 15% of respondents said many of their relatives and friends had used ultrasonic scanning to select the sex of their babies even though this is illegal in China.

Getting On Line
162 million netizens by end June 2007, according to the 20th report on the development of the Internet in China issued by China Internet Network Information Center (CNNIC). 75% of them have broadband access.

Source : China Daily , 19th July 2007

The survey showed that 76% of Internet users got information from web news and search engines, and 70% utilized instant messaging and 55% sent e-mail. Online music was listened to by 69% of netizens, while 47% played games online.

Global Top 500
22 companies on the mainland are in the 2007 Fortune Global 500 List, three more than last year.

Source: Crienglish.com July 13, 2007

Most of them are state-owned enterprises in energy, steel, automotive, telecom and bank industries.

Double Income Homes
53% of all Shanghai children under the age of 3 were looked after mainly by their grandparents according to a survey conducted by Shanghai population and family planning committee.

Source: China Daily, 13th July 2007

Grandparent generally focused well fed and warmly dressed the babies or toddlers, not much on the emotional and sensory development. Children raised by grandparents have difficulties on learning and adjusting to their environment.

Subway
4 billion Yuan (US$526 million) has been spent on upgrading Beijing’s old subway system for Olympics. The average waiting time will be reduced to 2.5 minutes from current more than three minutes.

Source: XinhuaNews, 9th July 2007

Beijing now has four lines totaling 114 kilometers, carrying 2.1 million passengers a day. The city will have nine lines totaling 200 km by 2008, and 19 lines totaling 561.5 km by 2020.

Social Circle of Migrant Workers
Only 3.7% of the migrant workers claimed they had a social life outside their working site according to a survey conducted by Chinese Academy of Social Sciences across 5,000 construction workers.

Source : China Daily, 9th July 2007

Most of the migrant workers felt that they were “looked down on” by the urban residents.

IN OTHER NEWS:
A number of you sent me the article about cardboard dumplings, and I want to say, that was TOTALLY false. Everyone knows you need to use newspaper to get that good 'mouth feel.'

But I was interested to see the following headlines, in this order, on the homepage of the China Daily web site:

Fake cardboard bun story tarnishes image of Chinese media
China warns US against "smear attacks" on imports
China vows to improve food safety
White Rabbit denies 'contaminated candy' claim

So we've got denial, anger, bargaining... They're almost through the five stages of grief! Good for them!

So anyway, I'm going out for dinner. Later!

A Cell Phone Like This Will Get You Beat Up In Beijing

I mean, LOOK at it! The screen's not even in COLOR!


Since my own phone disappeared into the night in the clutches of an evil taxi several weeks ago, I've been using a co-worker's first-generation RAZR. But then he had to take it back so his wife could use it, and I moved down the totem pole to this ancient Nokia, which another coworker had lying around, possibly found at an archaeological dig.

Next week I think I'm going to be issued a Motorola Brick with a whip antenna.

The Nokia does have one cool feature, though: You can field-strip it in about 2 seconds flat.


IN OTHER NEWS:

MOM, WILL YOU MAKE ME A SANDWICH:
When my family was here, I actually did come home for lunch one day to find that my mother had made me grilled ham and cheese sandwiches. It was delightful.

But they've all been gone for almost two weeks now, and I've been surviving on the stockpile of food they left behind (augmented by a few small purchases.) Last night, however, I came home and discovered my refrigerator contained the following:

• Blueberry jam
• Pickles
• Soy sauce
• Ketchup
• Barbecue sauce
• Butter
• A small amount of cheese
• Baking soda (to keep my pickles from tasting like blueberry jam)

I was even out of bread, so I couldn't do ketchup, cheese, soy sauce and pickle sandwiches. I was just about to order in from Annie's Italian when I got a text message from my coworker, asking if I wanted to join him and some other folks at a restaurant in 798.

So I found my way through the darkened art district/light industrial area, past the shirtless men sitting on the sidewalk trying to keep cool, past the crowd gathered outside a small store watching soccer on a TV that had been set on the stoop, and joined them at the AT Cafe. Once again, as my wife pointed out, it sounded like the setup of a joke: An Englishman, a Scotsman, two Americans and two Indians. And once again, the other American made me feel like an ignoramus: he spoke Thai, Cantonese, French and Spanish. ("But I don't do Germanic languages," he conceded, obviously disheartened.)

I ordered some Singapore noodles, which were tasty but interesting - they seemed to be made with fettuccine, and had strips of what appeared to be luncheon meat in them.

I'M LEGAL AGAIN:
Went back to the police station to get a new temporary residence permit, which will carry me through the conclusion of my stay. I believe that is my last bit encounter with government paperwork in China. And this time they even left my gender intact!

Angry Shirtless Old Man Brand Peanuts

Picked up a package of peanuts at Jenny Lou's last week based primarily on the fact that they were cheap and salted (seriously, why import Planters Dry Roasted UNSALTED Peanuts? Nobody in China is watching their sodium. Have you ever tasted soy sauce?)

I was about to tear into it when I was stopped by the steely gaze of the angry old man on the package:


I'm not sure what he's doing there, and I'm not sure why he isn't wearing a shirt. But I am sure he's very disappointed in me. "You kids nowadays," he seems to be saying. "You think you know what suffering is. Bah! I didn't take a bullet in the kidney during the war just so YOU could go traipsing around the world with your cell phones and your phat pants and your wallet chains. Here, look at the scar! LOOK AT IT! Bah, I say! Oh, and enjoy your peanuts."

The rest of the package is more ambiguous, but also seems to be more upbeat:

"A present first choose best enjoyment
TASTE LIFE'S NATURAL
Balance. Have it, you'll have the world."

They mostly tasted peanutty, but I think there was a HINT of life's natural in there.

For the record, I think he looks a lot like John Locke from ABC's hit show "LOST." Maybe this is a clue! Let the theories begin.

WORK UPDATE:
Actually getting a bit busy. I have a first review of my TV commercial storyboard/script tomorrow, along with some print executions. I've been kicking these around off and on for six weeks, so I guess now it's showtime. The first client presentation is August 2, so we'll see if any of my ideas survive.

We're also making final revisions for some print ads for a software client. All the work is taking place in Chinese now, so my role is to polish the back-translation - the work has to be approved by English-speakers, so it has to strike the tone that THEY want to hear while still being true to the original Chinese. Interesting balancing act.

The client farewell video I mentioned yesterday has swelled into a surprisingly complex little undertaking. The client wants 126 photos in the slideshow, and originally wanted each one up for 5 seconds. I was ready to throw in the towel but the account people had me meet the client and present alternative ways to organize it, and unfortunately the client loved the ideas. (That's not ego - he really LOVED the idea. So much so that it was almost a little unnerving.) So now we need to do it.

Eye of the tiger, people! Eye of the tiger!

The celebration continues...

Thanks to the International Date Line, it was still my birthday in Minnesota when I woke up this morning and received this picture from my wife:


So as you can see, my wife is handling my absence as well as I am. ;) (Just kidding, dear!)

IN OTHER NEWS:

WELCOME TO 1979:
So today I was asked to take on another weird little side project that I suspect no one else wanted, namely helping with a 'farewell' video for one of our clients here who is leaving China after running the business for almost a decade.

It's a little ill-defined, but basically it will be a slide show with music and a few video clips showcasing his time and accomplishments here. I guess I'm kind of coming up with a theme and structure for it, and may play a role in selecting the music, although the client is mandating the use of one particular song.

What song? I asked the account person in charge of the project.

It was a song she'd never heard of before. Something called "The Eye of the Tiger."

I can hardly wait to see the finished project.

DON'T YOU PEOPLE SLEEP:
I had to work late tonight. Someone called a general status meeting on one of the projects I've been involved with. At 7:00. But then delayed it until 7:30.