Sanlitun Night Fever

Another Saturday night, and I ain't got nobody (but my wife will be here in 1 week! YAAAAYYY!), so I decided to get out of my immediate neighborhood and check out the Beijing scene in the heart of the city.

Now, when I say "the Beijing scene" I mean "the Beijing scene that a noob like myself could easily find, and where I can melt into the background and not feel totally uncomfortable." I am sure there are the hip places that real Beijingers go to, but for me, it was off to find a cab to Sanlitun Bar Street.

Sanlitun is in western Chaoyang district (I am in northeastern Chaoyang), so it's maybe 20 minutes by cab. Sanlitun is one of the two main embassy districts in the city, which means it has attractions and nightlife that cater to foreigners, including Westerners. The Canadian, Australian, German, French and Italian embassies are nearby. (The U.S., U.K and other embassies are a couple miles south, in the Chaowai and Jianwai neighborhoods.)

And the best known part of Sanlitun is the Bar Street, a mile-long gauntlet of discos, bars, restaurants and shops (a less gracious guest might also mention pimps, "girl bars" and beggars). As you walk up the street, each establishment has people working the sidewalk, trying to coax you in, even maneuvering you to a seat before you realize what is happening.

Luckily for me, I had a destination, recommended by the guidebook my wife had bought me. It's called The Tree, a well-known but hard-to-find bar and restaurant built into an old building several turns down the random alleys that branch off of Bar Street. It specializes in wood-fired pizzas and Belgian beer (40 varieties of Belgian beer alone.)

I found it with a little difficulty, but was glad I did. It had an easy, warm atmosphere, was buzzing with conversation, and featured a big bar (I prefer to sit at bars - somehow, sitting alone at a bar seems less sad than sitting alone at a table, because at least you can strike up a conversation at a bar.)

I found one open seat and took it. The bartender spoke good English and, seeing I was alone, did what all good bartenders do - talked to me. He asked where I was from, what I was doing etc. I asked him a little about Beijing and ordered a Hawaiian pizza, a Jamesons and had him pick his favorite beer for me (it was Belgian, of course, but not too dark and a little sweet - I really liked it.)

It turned out I had taken the seat of a member of the Chinese party to my left, so when I saw them searching for a barstool, I quickly apologized and moved to another part of the bar where some seats had opened up, and was soon joined by two people in town for the weekend.

He was from Boston, originally, now a long-time resident of Bangkok, and his coworker was Thai. They work at the Bangkok office of a large international insurance firm. We had a nice long conversation about living in Asia, differences between China and Thailand (I played the role of the China 'expert:' "Well, this may shock you, but there are more than ONE MEEEEELLION people in China"), politics of the region, economics, and of course sports. ("The Timberwolves are the worst team in the NBA!" "No, the Celtics are the worst team in the NBA!")

They were great people and I was glad to have met them. Like many of the Americans I've met in Asia, he came for a short stint and never left. He now speaks and writes fluent Thai (am I the ONLY American with terrible language skills? I thought we were supposed to be boorish ignoramuses! Lets get on the ball, people! You're making me look bad!) and has no intention of going back - same story I've heard from at least a half-dozen Westerners I've met in the last month.

All in all a delightful evening. We left The Tree in search of another beer, and eventually wandered into a blaring disco/bar. It was interesting. Maybe half Chinese, half foreign, all blinded by the random lasers firing from the ceiling, all deafened by American music ("'Cause I ain't no hollaback girl! This place is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!" -- wait a minute, why does it ALWAYS come back to bananas with me?) and only a few (probably drunk) people awkwardly dancing.

Most of the people (myself included) were dazzled by the lights, nursing their beers, trying to look like we belonged here while curiously glancing around, waiting to see what would happen next.

Might be my best metaphor yet for China.

IN OTHER NEWS

PROPS TO CHASING THE DRAGON:
Hello to any of you who found this through the Chasing the Dragon blog at Fortune.com! It's really funny: I'm here to learn about marketing in China, so, as a former business reporter, I spent a lot of time reading about the MARKET in China. One blog I frequent is chasingthedragon.blogs.fortune.com, written by Fortune Magazine's Asia editor Clay Chandler.

It's a terrific perspective on China's economy and trends. I went to look at it yesterday and found that his most recent post referenced and linked to my Beijing Traffic Lesson of a few days ago! Unbelievable!

Clay, thank you for the kind words and the reference. And to my coworkers back home, if you are interested in learning more about China, bookmark his blog. He also obviously has a terrific eye for quality based on his link to me, so I urge you to immediately sink your life's savings into anything he mentions, even in passing.

PLAYING TOURIST: THE CHINESE MILITARY MUSEUM:
Earlier Saturday, my coworker Michael and I met for breakfast, then took a cab to the Chinese Military Museum. I am a bit of a Cold War freak, and Michael is interested in armaments, so we thought it would be a fun way to spend a couple hours. The People's Liberation Army is very influential in China, so I was sure it would be pretty spectacular.

Also, I wanted to see some of the stories I knew told from a different perspective, and it was clear from the sign outside the museum that this would be the case:


So we bought our tickets, went through the gate, and...

Oh good. Renovation.

Like most older things in Beijing, the museum is undergoing a massive improvement project. It's 5 stories tall and I'd say 3/4 of it was gutted and emptied. In a few places, huge bronze statues were sitting in hallways with ropes under them, clearly just dragged out of the way. Most of the wings were dusty construction zones.

But there were some ancient exhibits, and some modern exhibits, and the main hall with its tanks, planes and huge missile was still open, as was an outside courtyard.

Just one observation: The museum is part relics of China's past, part trophy room with captured equipment from various conflicts. I was struck by how many nations had their arms displayed both as weapons China had used, and weapons China had captured. ("This U.S. tank was given to China to aid their fight in World War II. And THIS U.S. tank was captured in Korea. This Soviet tank was given to China by Stalin. And THIS Soviet tank was captured during a border conflict in the 1960's. This flying saucer was sold to the Chinese by the Lizard People of Planet Zornicron 6...")

My takeaway: China has a verrrry interesting history.

Anyway, some pictures. Rollover for captions, click to see the Photobucket album with more.

BREAKING CULINARY NEWS: FISH HEADS, FISH HEADS, EAT THEM UP, YUM:
Remember the Bass-O-Matic in that old SNL commercial? Well, Michael and I went out for lunch after the museum to a shop near my place that sells nice, simple, reliable Chinese food. We had steamed and fried dumplings and some fish soup.

It was all very tasty - the broth had a salty and sour flavor, and the fish meat was tender and didn't have any bones that I found - but it looked like some fish had been dropped in a Bass-O-Matic with dull blades and then just 'pulsed' maybe two or three times.

My favorite part: a pair of heads and tails sticking out of the bowl on each end.


Wow, long one today. Hope all is well!

Today's Lunch With My Boss: A Picture Story

True story. It was like I had bravely jumped on a Kung Pao grenade.

IN OTHER NEWS

SO... YOU LIKE CHINA, THEN:
The CEO of my immediate employer (as opposed to the various levels of holding companies, parent companies, grandparent companies etc.) is in Beijing at the moment. Today he gave a speech to my Beijing counterparts, and as work is a little slow right now, I sat in.

Some highlights: "Greater China is the key strategic focus of [the company]. And Beijing is the key to China." "We're 1000% focused on you." "Every day in New York, we know what's going on in Beijing."

Now, I believe in it's customary to play to your crowd (Lead Singer: "Nobody rocks harder than Des Moines!" Des Moines crowd: "WHOOOOOOOO!!!"), but I have to say, I've never heard anything quite like that directed at Minneapolis. Apparently they hold our lack of 10,000% year-over-year growth against us.

MYSTERY SOLVED... KINDA:
I made a comment to my German acquaintance about the carpet-of-the-day in the building elevators.

"Yes," he said. "That's how they prove they change them every day."

Ah.

So I can't trust the date on the chicken at the supermarket, but I KNOW there's a fresh rug in the elevator. Thank God.

The Brands You Trust

Phew! That post yesterday took a lot out of me. So today's is short and sweet.

My refrigerator smelled bad the other day, which was inexplicable to me as it contains a 2 liter of Pepsi, a jar of pickles, some soy sauce and 5 cans of beer, but I needed to do something about it. So I went to Jenny Lou's, a store that caters to foreigners by carrying brands we recognize, to pick up a box of baking soda.

When I got home, I looked at it a little closer:


Ah, Arm & Hatchet. When you care enough to choose something that closely resembles the very best.

IN OTHER NEWS

I GUESS THEY DON'T THINK MUCH OF ME MENTALLY:
I was amused to realize that the elevators in my building have a different carpet that they put down for each day of the week:


"Man, what did I DRINK last night? I don't even know what day of the week it-- Oh! Thank you, elevator floor!"

On the other hand, I've been here about a month and only just noticed, so maybe they're on to something...

ME WANTEE!
I want one of these. I would be the coolest guy in Minneapolis.

Beijing Traffic Lesson: Left Turn

As I may have mentioned before, traffic in Beijing is its own art form. The city is adding thousands of cars per - I don't even know, week? Which means you have a healthy mix of people who have never driven before interspersed with people who should never have been driving in the first place.

To introduce you to the intricacies of Beijing driving, I will start with a relatively simple concept: the left turn.

STEP 1:

We see here a typical intersection. The light has just turned green for the east-west streets, and car [A], an enormous black Lexus with pitch black windows, wants to make a left turn into the southbound lanes. Pedestrians wait on each corner. (For purposes of this demonstration, we'll assume no one is running the north-south red light, and no one is jaywalking - a rather large assumption.)

STEP 2:

To make a left turn, it is VITAL that [A] cut off all eastbound traffic as soon as possible. The first few brave or foolish legitimate pedestrians step off the curb; this is of no concern. [A] makes his move.

STEP 3:

NO! Too slow! [A] has managed to partially block [B], a brand new purple and yellow Hyundai taxi, but [A] has only achieved what Beijing drivers would consider a 'weak' blocking position.

STEP 4:

In this detail, we can see why: [A] has only inserted his left bumper and cannot move forward without contact. [B], on the other hand, is in the dominant position - by putting his wheel hard to the right and flooring it, he can fully block [A].

STEP 5:

[B] proceeds to swerve right, cutting off [C], a tiny red Peugeot with a gold plastic dragon hood ornament, spoiler and assorted knobs glued on. Since [B] is just accelerating, and [C] is now decelerating, this has created a low-density 'dead space' in the intersection. [D], a strange blue tricycle dumptruck carrying what appear to be 40 of the world's oldest propane tanks, sees this and makes a move.

STEP 6:

DENIED! [E], an old red taxi with its name sloppily stenciled in white on its doors, has boldly cut across two lanes of traffic, behind [D], and then swerved right, driving [D] into an extremely weak position behind [A]. Meanwhile, [B] and [C] are still fighting for position, with [C] muscling his way into the crosswalk. The only thing between [E] and a successful left turn is a few lawful pedestrians. [E] steps on the gas...

STEP 7:

...and is cut off by [F], an elderly man pedaling his tricycle verrrryyy slooooowwwly with a 15-foot-diameter sphere of empty plastic cooking oil bottles bungee-corded haphazardly to the cargo area. He was part of the lawful pedestrians, but seeing the stalled traffic, decided to cut diagonally across the intersection. Not only has [F] blocked [E], he is headed straight at [B], giving [C] the edge he needs.

STEP 8:

[B] concedes to [C], who drives in the crosswalk behind [F] and blocks [E]. Meanwhile, [G], a herd of about 20 bicycles, mopeds, pedestrians and wheelbarrows, sensing weakness in the eastbound lane and seeing that much of the westbound traffic is blocked behind [D], breaks north against the light. [F] pedals doggedly onward at about 2 miles per hour, his face like chiseled marble.

STEP 9:

Now things get interesting. [C] has broken free and, as the first vehicle to get where he was going, wins. [E] makes a move to block [B] but, like [A] at the start of the left turn, only gains a 'weak' block. [A] has cleverly let [F] pass and guns into a crowd of [G], which both moves [A] forward and drives some [G] stragglers into the path of [D], clearing [A]'s flanks. Little now stands between [A] and a strong second-place finish.

STEP 10:

Except for public bus [H], one of those double buses with the accordion-thing connector. [H] has been screaming unnoticed along the eastbound sidewalk and now careens dangerously into a U-turn. This doesn't appear to concern the 112 people packed inside and pressed against the windows (although that could be due to a lack of oxygen.) [H] completely blocks both [A] and [D]. On the other side of the intersection, [B] has swerved into the lawful pedestrians (who aren't important enough to warrant a letter) and has gained position on [E].

[E] has forgotten the face of his father: He was so focused on his battle with [B] that he lost sight of the ultimate goal and is now hopelessly out of position.

This clears the path for dark horse [I], a blue Buick Lacrosse, to cut all the way across behind [H] and become the second vehicle to get where he was going (and the first to complete a left turn), since [F] has changed his mind again and is now gradually drifting north into the southbound lanes. But everyone better hurry, because the light is about to change...

STEP 11:


STEP 12:

And we're ready to start over.

Well, it's a PRETTY good wall... I GUESS...

So Saturday night, after shopping, I decided I would go down to the travel desk and just book a seat on a bus tour to the Great Wall and the Ming Tombs. I know it's touristy, and I'd rather see what the locals call the "Wild Wall," but hey - touristy is part of Beijing, too!

I got down there, but the clerk had left for the night. No big deal, I thought. I'll just do it next week.

No sooner do I get to my apartment than my phone rings. It's a woman at my company, though we've never been introduced. She is a friend of my main contact here, and wanted to know if I wanted to go on a hike to a remote part of the Wall on Sunday with a bunch of her friends.

Old Henry would have hesitated - a long car ride with a bunch of strangers, then a long walk to who knows where out in the middle of nowhere? But New Henry has no such inhibitions. He has eaten chicken feet and eels. He has pantomimed a taxi from Point A to Point C. He has purchased bananas all by himself. He... well, frankly, he doesn't KNOW anybody, so what else is he going to do?

If I was worried about sticking out like a sore thumb, I needn't have. We met at Starbucks (no, not THAT Starbucks... The one across the street. No, the one on the OTHER corner across the street)... and pretty much every laowai ("Old Whitey") who came in was part of our group. In fact, the only Chinese were the woman who called me and our driver.

My coworker's husband is from Jersey; he sells English books to International School libraries. Then there were sisters from New York, both in the art business. One of them brought her beau, from San Francisco, I think. Another coworker from Germany - very smart, very nice guy; we had a long conversation on the ride out. And an English language teacher from... I don't remember, but her boyfriend (not present) was from Edina, Minnesota.

They were all professional risk-takers. All had lived in Beijing for years, all spoke excellent Chinese, few had any intention of moving home, most had lived in more than one other country.

So I guess I stuck out a little, but I smoothed it over with my witty, urbane banter, such as "Gawrsh! I seen a Chinese guy at the circus once, but there's BUNCHES of 'em over here!" and "Why, these places is OLD!" and "Sure could go fer some REAL food 'bout now! Like a Chalupa!"

Anyway, after an hour and a half driving outside of Beijing (and up some super narrow and twisting roads) we pulled into a dirt parking lot at the edge of a small village. There was just a dirt track leading into the hills, and only a few other cars in the lot.


The hike was pretty intense - probably an hour climb through jungle, with lots of steep switchbacks and slippery, rocky bits where you had to use your hands to steady yourself.


It didn't feel that dangerous since there were lots of trees to grab onto, but it was a good hard hike. I was huffing and puffing pretty good when, through the trees...

The wall runs along a steep ridge. We came up from below and entered through a ruined archway.


We climbed up on top. It really is a wild ruin - the trees have grown up all around it, and in one direction half of the wall's width had eroded away.


As you can see, the weather was poor; otherwise, I was told, I would have been able to see 10-15 towers in the distance. As it was, the fog was cool - it was like movie fog, where you could see distinct tendrils wrapping around your legs - but not picturesque. Worse, the German got a call from his girlfriend warning of rain, so we had a quick picnic lunch and headed back down, not wanting to get trapped on the steep, muddy slopes.

I'm sure I'll see the wall again - apparently hiking is a popular weekend activity here - and I probably will go to the touristy, restored wall at some point too. But even for a short visit in the fog, it was very impressive.

(Click to enlarge for more detail)

IN OTHER NEWS

NOTE TO SELF: THE CHINESE LIKE LOUD THINGS:
Even though we were one of maybe three groups on the mountain, we could hear Chinese yelling to each other.

On the drive back down, we stopped at a peaceful inn and sat at tables beside a still, green pond and had some beers and snacks - all the while listening to whole families setting off box after box of firecrackers and those little poppers for no reason whatsoever.

Then I get dropped off and I'm walking back to my apartment, and I hear more noise. This time it's some adults who have somehow gotten hold of an enormous balloon bouquet and are now merrily jumping in it.

UMMMMMMM... I CAN WAIT. THANK YOU SO MUCH:


RACE JOKES, CHINESE STYLE:
My Chinese coworker and her American husband were talking about their marriage, and he made a joke about how he has a Chinese soul. "Yes," she said. "He's like a cooked egg." They contrasted that with a friend of theirs who is Chinese but prefers to live Western-style - this person, they said, was a "banana."

Our Musical Guest: Chairman Mao!

This is a long distance dedication not only, but ESPECIALLY for my buds from the former Sam Scratch. So Matt, Pat and Mike, get ready to sing along with the soulful sounds of Chairman Mao and the Cultural Revolutions!



IN OTHER NEWS

SLOW AND STEADY WINS YOU SQUAT:
Note: This turtle tank is NOT in the pet department.


SHOPPER'S HELLIDISE:
My coworkers Andrew (my creative director) and Michael (an account guy) let me tag along on a day of shopping at the [somethingsomething] Wet Market, a giant free-for-all bazaar.

For reference, take the idea of the Minneapolis Farmer's Market and make it ten times larger and insane. Each aisle is probably 100 yards long, with a walkspace maybe five feet wide, and on each side are booths anywhere from 4-8 feet across. Call it 60 booths per aisle, maybe more, times 15 or more aisles, plus people who have set up shop in open areas - sometimes just setting stuff on newspaper on the sidewalk.

A lot of it is meant to look antique. Some shops specialize - Mao posters here, fans and chopsticks there, calligraphy scrolls, modern Chinese art. Others have what's supposed to look like a random collection of treasures - copper swords green with age, bits of jade, pottery that's been carefully dirtied to look ancient, and maybe one top-drawer watch sitting amongst the antiques, just looking for the sucker who thinks maybe that vendor doesn't know what he has.

"Just think of it as toys," said Michael, examining his 18 karat gold (HA!) Swiss-made (HA!) genuine Petak Philippe (HA!) watch that he bought for 250 yuan - about $20. "You'd spend this much on toys. I'm not going to spend $10,000 on a new watch. It looks good, yeah? Look at the detail!"

You haggle for EVERYTHING, and let me tell you, the Chinese are master hagglers. Andrew and Michael would laugh, argue, walk away, walk back, argue more, scoff at the counteroffer, shake their heads, walk away again, then go back and buy it for half or less of the asking price, which is exactly what everyone knew would happen from the start.

Now, I'm Minnesotan, so my idea of haggling is to passive-aggressively leave a 14.9% tip when I'm unhappy with service. So fortunately Andrew and Michael handled that for me.

It's easy to go a little overboard, especially with two pros telling you what you should get - what am I going to do with a set of 5 foot long crimson calligraphy scrolls? - but I spent a grand total of $67 U.S. and I got some cool souvenirs, some gifts and one-of-a-kind mementos that actually reflect some of China's culture.

And after all that? Pork chops at The Sizzler!

What a country.

A PHOTO OF THE MARKET:


AND A VIDEO:

Frank's Place Part II: Prince, Chinese Style

It's Friday night again, which seems to happen about once a week here, so I went back over to Franks Place for another delicious burger and a little baseball (they seem to show a replay of an MLB game at 9:30 p.m. local time). Today it was Giants-Mets in New York, and I got to see Barry Bonds pop up weakly to the third baseman.

I also noticed a soundcheck happening out on the patio. So after I finished my burger, I took my Tsingtao (if you're ever here, be sure to pronounce it "Shing-doe" or the waitress will laugh at you) and went out to the patio.

It was raining, so I was one of maybe 7 people listening (still better than the Sam Scratch gig in Fargo, am I right?). I took a table under the umbrella and soaked in some American blues and funk.

The band was led by an African-American on lead vox and guitar, with a Chinese drummer and bass player - the bassist was named Wen (he had painted a giant 'W' on his cabinet grille) and played what may have been an authentic Fender P-bass.

So I'm just chillin', feet up, and they launch into a song I'm sure we can all enjoy:

[EDIT: June 6 - I've been censored! Not by who you'd think. The following was an ultra-poor quality 8-second snippet of a band covering Prince's song "Kiss," and I now see that when I click on it, I get the following message:

"This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by Universal Music Publishing Group"

Well done, gentlemen. I hope you feel the $250 an hour your lawyers charged you to kill my little funny was well spent.]


(Sorry for the quality. My phone can only take 8 seconds of video at low resolution.)

Ah. A slice of home.

IN OTHER NEWS

DANG RIGHT I'M CINDERELLA! NOW BRING ME THE DING-DANG PRINCE!
As you may know, the company was kind enough to fly me to Beijing first class. My wife was amused when I called her from the plane on May 10 and was interrupted by a flight attendant handing me slippers and a wine list, something that rarely happens in coach, where I normally sit.

Anyway, as a cheapskate, I kept the slippers and have used them in Beijing. But they got ratty and torn (they are essentially disposable), so I decided to switch to the complimentary slippers the building supplies with each apartment.


I might as well have been putting on Audrey Hepburn's 5th grade ballet slippers.

IT'S ALMOST HARVEST TIME IN THE CRANE ORCHARDS:
The crane farmers have nurtured and fertilized them all year, and these cranes are almost ripe!




Soon it will be time to harvest them, pack them in ice and ship them off to construction-deprived nations, like the U.S.!

WORK IN PROGRESS:
Beijing is nuts, as you may have gathered. There are probably 40-50 skyscrapers under construction right now, many of them designed and built as though money were no object.

One of the most famous buildings under construction is the new CCTV (China Cable Television) headquarters, which will look like this (watch for it in your local Olympics '08 broadcast!):



Here's what it looks like now:



MEANWHILE, IN REAL BEIJING:
Just for the curious, here's a typical street scene one block from my work building:



And that's all I got for today. Beijing OOT!